so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
