Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
