Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
