Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
