I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
