Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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