Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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