i think i have two assholes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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