my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
