so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
