I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
