I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
