New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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