I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
