can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
