dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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