i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
