Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
