If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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