Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
