the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
