dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
