there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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