I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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