Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize