when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
