she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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