So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
