OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
