I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
