OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
