Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
