Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
