so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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