Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want to be your penis for a week.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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