I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
