Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
