so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
