the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
