Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
