dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize