This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She needs sedatives and a leash
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
