We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
