no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you didnt know i had herpes?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize