There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
