She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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