So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
