Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there was a trapeze. enough said
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
