party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
