I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Shame is for Republicans.
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