Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
