I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
