i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
