kristin has been a bad kristin
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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