You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
