we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
