I look better un-naked...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
