I think I died a long time ago.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
