I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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