the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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