I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize