So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
