some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
