I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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