he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it's like heaven, but drunker
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
