Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ttyl tear gas
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
