"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
