He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
