i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
