The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
