I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
