Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cockslap morals
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
