I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
