he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
