Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
