Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
