I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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