Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
