i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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