I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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