Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's get the cat blown out
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
