I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
