so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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