Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
