Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Need sex. Gaining weight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
