oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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