I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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