I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
