New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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