I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
