Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize