my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
