we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
