If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
