How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
