Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
