i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
