she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
