she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
