I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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