Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
