She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
