Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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